A meltdown and a false hope
On last Sunday i saw instastory from my favorite band back in college and they were doing mini gigs for their devoted fans. Even tho i followed them quite a while i didn't notice that they have this small gig, well maybe because i knew i cant attend anyway. Also on Sunday, husband playing my old ipod on speaker all morning, my ipod that full with old songs circa college and pre motherhood when i went to office by transjakarta. Full of bands those i once or twice saw them live whenever they held tour in Jakarta. Then it hit me.. i never go to concert again after being married, not even once.
And like domino effects i kept thinking what else i did miss since being married. I skipped so many office's outing abroad when i was pregnant and exclusively breastfeeding, i skipped HK trip that my girlfriends done 2 years ago because i cant really leave my son for 7 days and also my husband didnt give me permission cos... you really wanna leave your clingy son for 7 days? definitely not.
I never had romantic gateway with husband, well okay maybe too much to ask... hmmmm... weekend getaway? nope. Romantic staycation? nopeee... just the two of us having fancy dinner celebrating anniversary??? still nope.
Oh honey not gonna lie 6,5 years being married now it gets kinda b...l...a...n....d
Not to mention since he entered thesis life, our communication started to falling apart (...i guess... lil bit exaggerating here cos i dont find the right word) well, i mean every night i decided to sleep early (as early as 8pm then i wake up at 1 or 2 and having my me time) bcos exhausting husband and exhausting wife wont get a nice pillow talk, so why wait he comes home lets sleep early instead.
Beside that and kinda out of topic... i feel like he put false hope on me (PHP kalo kata anak jaman sekarang) toward of vacation (yep.. call me shallow as i always brag bout vacation but bear with me since 2,5years ago the furthest place i went is bandung. oh yeah... 160km away is the best i can get. Now maybe you can feel little sympathy here.. kthx). As i mentioned earlier i missed so many things while pregnant and breastfeeding but he never paid it back as he promised me. And again he promised me we can stay at disney resort for 3 days after he gets his master and guess what? his graduation is this month and he said we have to postponed it until ONLY GOD KNOWS WHEN because he cant leave office. i cannot sabar any longer, im on "whatever" point. whatever...whatever...whateverrrrrrr.
But, thank god i regularly having lunchdates with my girlfriends.. 2 hours of feeling sane and recharge myself. It's one thing that i hold on tight since i dont have anything else.
Anyway... it was a rough weekend then came Monday.
On Monday my aunty called me and she said she and my uncle will be in Vienna for 2 months until this december and she asked me whenever i wanna join them (so i can stay for free in Vienna!!) then i can go to Salzburg for The Sound Of Music Tour which is my #1 bucketlist!!! YEPPPPP.. NUMBER 1!!! SINCE 10 YEARS OLD!!!
I was speechless. Salzburg? really?? right now?? this november??? brb crying.
1st plan i'll go for 10 days with Ammar, husband permission is already on my hand but my mom wont let me fly back to Ind just the two of us, well.. make sense bcos i never been to Europe (the fact that the furthest place i've ever been is Phuket lol) it's long flight with transit..um no, lets have plan B instead.
Plan B is i'll go there alone, i talked to Ammar and he said yes i can go for 10 days in exchange 2 lego that he pick up by himself at kidz station.. oh well lets hope he wont pick up the 2 million one hahahaha.
Last night i already make the itinerary.. i'll go museum hopping and watch Vivaldi 4 season's Concert at St Charles Church (hope no eyes will rolling at me.. cos im here for the concert not to convert) and of course THE SOUND OF MUSIC TOUR YIPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!! 7 days in Vienna and 3 days in Salzburg. Perfect. This is exactly what i need since i feel miserable due to i never do the things i once love to do since marriage life.. this is the answer to my sunday's meltdown!!
But then again i feel like universe is playing with my heart and my mind. i keep questioning whether this is the right one or not.
my friend said i am complete idiot if i let this passing me by since she knew how much i want to go to Austria but then again she said why not listing down the pros and cons.
Good idea.. lets start with the pros:
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!!!
+ I can save around 15 million for staying free in Vienna. Not gonna happen for the second time
+ First time in Europe!!!!!
+ I can come to every bakeries that been featured on Paul Hollywood Vienna episode.. drooling already
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!
+ Exactly the perfect me-time you've been dreaming of
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!
+ The Sound Of Music Tour!!!!
The cons:
- 10 days without Ammar... gonna feel like hell i supposed
- My mom strongly disagree. She said Austria is too far to go by myself.
- Also my mom said it will be too selfish if im on vacation all alone. A lavish one, Gadis! please thinking about your son. You're a mother, you need to focus on your son... (which already agree to let me go but i get the point mom)
- Even thou my husband agree to the nominal amount i've been proposed based on my itinerary, i feel like kinda bad because hell it is a lot of money, add little bit more the three of us can go on decent Japan vacation when husband's workload slowing down. tapi kapan? kapan? kapaaaaaaan??
- Still my mom said be more patient, maybe next year you three can go to europe together, just save more and less eating out.
- November is dull month in Vienna cos it'll be gloomy, so much rain, wet, windy and extremely cold..The city aint pretty bcos every tree is molting prepare for snowy days. i asked indo blogger who lives there and she agree, she doesnt recommend to coming here on november. maybe on december when city so pretty with xmas decoration and snow finally falling down but the flight fare also so "pretty". With the budget i have, i only can afford November.. im afraid it wont be worth it cos money doesn't come from a tree and the last time i check i am still middle class so it have to be worth it bcos it cost us fortune... (no worry upper class.. the number is just your Soiree's budget for a month) (lah jadi nyinyir)
Sigh.
Disss, gue baca nya mixed feelings deh. ikut sedih karena kayak nya banyak banget yg lo korbanin selama ini, setuju sama pros lo pergi, tapi setuju juga sama cons nya. ini sebenernya agak gak nyambung, tapi karena baru aja pagi ini baca ig story nya malo ttg merdeka secara keuangan. udah punya dana darurat blm? udah punya investasi blm? ada tabungan gak? trs jadi merasa kepingan2 yg ada di hati gak mutu dan mungkin harus di coret aja trs di tabung. nah, balik lagi ke kepinan lo buat travelling. kalo emang menurut lo itu bisa bikin lo waras dan efek setelah nya lo jadi ibu,istri yg lebih bahagia dan "siap" membahagiakan suami & anak gue rasa ambil aja. daripada skg lo tahan2in rasa gak bahagia lo. efek nya, lo memberikan versi diri lo yg lagi gak bahagia ke suami & anak, hasil nya pasti juga gak bahagia. rumah tangga tuh kontrak jangka panjang, pa lagi jadi ibu, kontrak seumur hidup. jadi wajar aja sih kalo ada masa nya pingin rehat. jalan2 sendiri gak selfish kok. tapi lo harus yakin juga kalo trip ini bakalan bikin lo bahagia, jangan sampe udah lo jalanin tapi selama trip lo kepikiran ini itu. kan malah jadi sayang uang nya. mending di tabung buat jalan2 bertiga taun2 depan. anyway, mangaattt ya ebooo. <3 <3
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